this complicated life . so freaking me out! <3

Monday, March 20, 2006

MOVED.

http:allyouneedislove-.blogspot.com

change links, everyone!

hold my breath
and count to ten.
is this another nightmare?

OH, the first day of the term. well, describe first days. its the day people go, "oh my goodness, have you heard?" or "oh my goodness, i've got something to tell you." or "eh, did you do, did you do?" or "eh, how? i never do. die la." or, "eh, you also never do ah, ok good, hi-5. i go rtc with you okay?" i mean, havent you noticed that? goodness, i notice such things.

i was suppose to wake up at 6 today. and i have 3 different morning callers. and i only picked up one. ok, maxine was suppose to call me at 6, but she didnt. at 6.05, yeah, someone called me. i didnt pick up the first time cause i thought it was the alarm, so i kinda ignored. then one minute later, you called again, and i was still like uh, half asleep. "good morning! eh, uh, wake up..." yada yada yada. and guess what, after that i fell asleep again. woke up only at 6:20. rushed like mad, and i was still late for stations of the cross. ARGH. and now, we're sitting in front. OH, the front.

hold my breath
and count to ten.
is this another nightmare?

Sunday, March 19, 2006

i went shopping today. but if you ask me whether i am done with my homework. oops, not yet. i gave up on it. anyway, all i havent done are those not due tomorrow, so i am still safe. i told myself that if i dont finish by saturday, heck, forget it, i'm not going to sit at home on the last day of the holiday, slogging my guts out to complete my homework. no way, that's courting my own death. i told my mom that too, and i was amazed by how willingly she wanted to bring me out. i bet it was all because of yesterday. well, i broke down again. hah, and it's the worse so far. as in seriously, it was damn bad, and damn freaky. ok, after getting oh-so-high over shopping today, i just sat down, stared at my homework, and then i just started crying. and then i just started throwing my stuff around the room. i dont know. the mood swing was so strong. and all i could think of was the dark side. all i could think of was how so and so sucks, how school sucks and all. and my mom came in seeing how pissed i was, and goodness, she just grabbed me and made me sit on the floor. so i sat there crying, and she was trying to help me solve my stress problem. and guess what, my mom cried just because i was crying, and all i could do was just doodle on this piece of paper, how much i hated school. and she was so worried, she called my grandmother. i bet the whole family knows what happened yesterday. but i seriously dont know what went wrong. its like, from so high, to screaming away, and then suddenly, i was there sitting on the floor, crying and all.

argh. i'm off to look at what i bought, a pair of shorts, and 2 shirts :))))

hold my breath
and count to ten.
is this another nightmare?

Friday, March 17, 2006

today had its fun and its sorrow. but still, we have to be thankful to God, for surviving a day. firstly, the plan for the three of us to go out, became just the two of us. well, shar couldnt go, but well, it isnt her fault. i mean, i'm sure she wanted to go out and enjoy herself too. secondly, the plan to sleep in the playground totally went bust because we could get chased out sleeping there. on top of that, my mom wouldnt agree to our crazy plan. come on, its darn cool. i bet no one ever planned to sleep in the playground for the sake of fun except the two of us. we are ECCENTRIC, thats why. thirdly, i couldnt even pop by at wherever i was suppose to pop by and have fun with you, well, my mom wasnt agreeable to it. because its at night. come on, its not as if we'd have SEX. and plus, there's no alcohol, no vulgarities, and its supervised. the only thing there is cards, and it aint even gambling, and pizza. and of course fun and all the forfeits. oh damn it. i just hope hope hope, you can come over later, and we shall just talk and talk.

but well, i had happy times too. dorm failed miserably in freaking me out. it was so darn funny. we just had to laugh at every single thing. and we managed to buy 5 things within 25 minutes, and go to a toilet, because i needed to pee urgently.well, i pretty much have nothing to blog, because caroline pretty much blogged everything. so go check out her blog. i manage to buy a pair of boardshorts, like finally, and stuff. i may be going back to shop tomorrow. i mean school is starting in 2 bloody days. well DUH, i have to enjoy myself before its too late. when is the next public holiday anyway? OH. i hate school.

hold my breath
and count to ten.
is this another nightmare?

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. goodness, i'm 15. thats like, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 14, 15 years. which is, 180 months, which is 5475 days, which is 131400 hours, which is 7884000 minutes, which is 473040000 seconds. YEAH, i actually figured.

this year, its different. i didnt spend it all cooped up at home, or at the mall. i actually went to school. well, not that i wanted to, but i had to. and guess what, i fell down, 3 times today. twice in school, once at home. rushing in to the toilet, and down i went. i don't do luck. God just wanted to make my birthday extra fun. AH, or maybe a lesson to it. maybe God wanted to know that no matter how many times i fall, he would help me up. amazing way to teach me. i love God. 15 years and 9 months ago, God created me. AMAZING! whoopee. i feel so GREAT. THANK YOU, GOD.
i have 58 greeters today. hahaha. more than usual, that fact that there is school today. and and, i may be sleeping in the playground on FRIDAY. how cool is that? it would be so cool if it rained. hokay, short entry. i feel lazy.no wait, i am lazy.

hold my breath
and count to ten.
is this another nightmare?

Monday, March 13, 2006

i have something to talk about today. i think everyone should learn about it. i was taught about this something too. something everyone has trouble with.

FORGIVING.

a friend smsed me, after telling her how bad my day had been. all the shit i got and all. and all i had to do was FORGIVE, just to make myself happy. and boy, it wasnt easy. here's the conversation. nothing private, so yeah, dont mind.

FRIEND: I'm sorry you made a wasted trip down.

ME: its alright. anyway the walking was good exercise, and it made me reflect. reflect about my day. my day was bad :( when is the next *censored*?

FRIEND: i dont know. i'll find out through my *******. You feeling much better now?

ME: Nope, no where near better. it all started last night. when i quarreled with my dad and all. sigh :(

FRIEND: Maybe apologizing to your dad will help the situation?

ME: you should seriously listen to what happened before you ask me to apologise.

ME(again): i'm sorry i doubted your idea of apologising. i'm just, i dont know, pmsing? well, i just hope tomorrow would be a better day.

FRIEND: RELATIONSHIPS DON'T THRIVE BECAUSE THE GUILTY IS PUNISHED, BUT BECAUSE THE INNOCENT ARE MERCIFUL. BECAUSE THE ONE WHO IS HURT IS THE ONE WHO HAS THE COURAGE AND GRACE TO SAY, I FORGIVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, LET'S MOVE ON. SOMETHING WE CAN LEARN FROM JESUS. SORROW MAY LAST THRU THE NIGHT BUT JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!

forgiving is never easy. thats because you are traumatised by how much the other party has hurt you. you are afraid that you may be hurt that way all over again. therefore, the one who is hurt is the one who has the courage and grace to say, " I FORGIVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, LET'S MOVE ON." Amazing what i have learnt at 5:09 a.m in the morning. if we forgive one person who offended us every day, by 365 days, you would have forgiven 365 people. by 10 years, 3650 people. by 100 years, 36500 people. WOW. therefore, i forgive my parents for making my holiday more miserable after saying no to my movie outing, well, anyway you're dad doesnt allow you to go too. amazing telepathy between parents.

hold my breath
and count to ten.
is this another nightmare?

Saturday, March 11, 2006

TERM ONE.
"girls, focus, you would want to go home, knowing that you have really understood and learnt something. alright, i care about your learning."
"ok, girls, if you dont understand, i will explain it to you ten times, twenty times, or thirty times, until you understand."

-mrs heng.

"ok, hand up your assignment, dont make me chase you for your assignment. you girls are big girls already you know."

-mdm rappiah.

"4.6 part one, is a humanities class, i'm sure you can do this."

"open your mouth! what now, petrified to death?!"

-mdm chan.

"3.6, your line is not straight. 3.6, stop marking attendance. 3.6, please stand in accordance to index order."

-mrs joseph.

"listen, if you tell me you dont understand, i will not repeat myself, i will just move on. because you're not paying attention. but if i see that you're really paying attention, then yes, i will repeat myself."

-mdm sim.

"you're obviously not listening, okay 3.6, SHUT-UP!"

-mr chan.

"ok, 3.6. when you sit down, i want to see your essays on your table. good morning girls."
"is she your friend? is she your friend? how about her?"

-miss juliana.

"i'm the easiest teacher to bully. aiya. can you girls learn your chemical formulas by next lesson? can, please?"

-mrs boo.

"girls, have you realised i havent given you any holiday homework. well, i believe students shouldnt be overloaded with homework, during the holidays."

-miss kang.

the tears i shed in the toilet. when i was so so stressed, depressed, or really down. the five of you were there. thank you Lord.

the term has come to a depressing end. with people breaking down. but the happy, weird, and funny memories will never leave me.

1. the day we ordered pizza. how lucky i was for not getting into major trouble, but yeah, i still got into major problems.

2. the day i received my first ever get well soon card.

3. the days there were soccer matches.

4. how euphoric i was when i passed my tests. thank you, Lord.

5. the laughter we shared during chinese.

6. the morning runs. it feels really good when you run, especially when you perspire. its like all the angst in you had oozed out through your skin.

7. eating in class, shouting through the corridors, passing food by a door. talking to people outside the classroom, or vice versa. lying to teachers to miss lessons.

8. after 3 months not being in the same class, we're still as close. thank you Lord.

9. every moment spent with You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you and you, was great. fabulous, fantastic, amazing.

10. the day at your house! haha. the day at the park!!

11. my facial wash, my seventeen bucks, and all my dumb doings. the dumb doings actually brightens up my days. its so funny how you laugh at yourself because you were simply DUMB.

hold my breath
and count to ten.
is this another nightmare?

Friday, March 10, 2006

school holidays are finally here. the long-awaited week is finally here. the thought of relaxing went goodbye, and out the window, fluttering all the way to slumberland. we can all forget about relaxing. how are we supposed to relax when we've got a whole load of homework dumped on us. on top of that, we have 6 hours of tutorial, and thats not even including cca yet. so far, i have 20 pieces of homework. english alone has 6. screw that gay guy. i'm sure there's more to come, the fact that we have tutorials. this so suck. it doesnt even feel like the holidays anymore, it feels like we have a "one-week" long weekend, instead of the two days.
i'm so so stressed. so little time, so much to do. we people have a life to live, we dont sit on our study tables 24/7 in front of piles and piles of books and homework.

hold my breath
and count to ten.
is this another nightmare?